Wo Software Engineer Ban-na Chahta Tha! (Chaar Panktiyaan)

Hindustaan ke kisi bhi kone se koi bhi engineer jo hua Pass Out

Foren pakadta hai agli hee gaadi aur pahunch jaata hai (kahaan?)… BTM layout!! 

Aisi hee ichcha rakhte hain hamaare samastipur ke BN Tiwari

Inhe bhi sabki tarah lagi hai software engineer ban ne ki bimaari 

To janaab paaon jyun hii BTM ki sar jameen pe pade

unke kadam deewar pe lagey ek kannada film ke poster ki aur badhe 

unhe poster yun ghurta dekh ek kannada mahashay bole “enno enn nodtaidiya”?

tiwari had done his homework well, so bole “kannad gotilla bhaiyaa” 

“Poster mein aisa goor goor ke kya dekk raa bayaa?Heroine-aa??”

“nahin nahin.. uske chehre pe lagey PG accommodation ka Ad dekh raha hun .. Anna” 

“Ohh.. tumko PG hona.. mera ek prendd.. fayaaz.. uska ek mast PG… with andhra style Food

“tiwari ji bole arrey phir to sahi hai.. it sounds very good” 

Kannada dost ne phone lagaya , udhar se awaaz aayi.. “kya re Soma?? Kidhar mar ra re tu?”

Soma bola.. “aey fayaaz .. ek mera prendd ko PG hona.. usko thoda dekh le re tu..”

 “Bayaa tumko Udupi garden maloom??” soma ne pucha tiwari se

Tiwari ji ne naa mein garden hilaayi aur soma ko dekha lachaari se

 Koi baat nahin bayaa, straighttt gaye to left mein petrol bunks

Aur Road ka dusra side mein Hot Girls and Hunks 

Waisa tumhara naam kya bola tum?

Ji.. bhaiyya D N Tiwari hain hum

Hmm.. DN tiwari.. bole to Damn Northie Tiwari.. soma bola… of course,  mann mein

To tiwari ji ne vida li, petrol bunk pahunche aur fayaaz ko phone lagaaya

Wo bola “Udupi garden ke paas mein khad lele ko chorr.. main 5 nimut mein aaya”

Tiwari ne chaaron aur dekha aur bole “bhai fayaaz yahan ek sharaab ka theka hai, ek restaurant hai.. par kahin koi garden nazar nahin aaya”

 Kuch isi tarah ki shuruaati zaddo zahad ke baad apne hero ko PG mein asara mil gaya

Aur ye sunte hee ki saamne hee girls PG hai, gharwalon ki yaad se jo chera udaas tha.. Khiil gaya!

PG tha to sasta.. par utni hee uski haalat khastaa.. par marta kya na karta

Ek to itne saare log, upar se rules aise ki ekdamm Jail

Room mates mein ek MCA dropout aur dusra BSC fail

 Bistaron  pe raaj tha khatmalon ka

Gandgee se bura haal tha kambalon ka. 

Par phir bhi sabke paas ek ek laptop aur usme kamse kam 20 GB pondi

Sorry iske liye koi rhyming wali line nahin mili.

Tiwari ji ko sabne pehle hii din chetawani de di.. “bangalore mein naukari usiki lagti hai..

Jiske man mein java ho basa, saanson mein C aur ragon mein C++ behti hai..

Ladke ne mehnat ki aur dhanadhan calls aane lagey

Written to clear ho jaaye par interview mein vaat lagey!!

Interviews dete rehna fitrat ho gayi..

Aur sab mein reject hona.. aadat ho gayi.

Aur ek sawaal “tell me something about yourself”  se nafrat si ho gayi

 “Arrey why only something I will tell you everything about myself.. par tab bhi kaunsa tum mujhe ye naukari de dogey”

Adhaa ghanta chaatogey, phir.. “we will get back to you” bolke wapas kalti kar dogey

Isi tarh kayi mahino tak frustiaane ke baad tehraven interview mein khuda mehrbaan hua

Aur 3.2 ka starting package leke smastipur ka launda… pahalwaan hua

Shuru ke kuch mahiney bench pe honeymoon manaya

Uske baad project mein, paani ki tarah apna pasina aur khoon bahaaya

Yeh khoon bahaane wali line meri nahin hai.. meri sense of déjà vu ne mujhse thoda exaggerate karwaya

Roz subaha wo office ki bus ke pichey bhagte log, roz dikhne waale par bezabaan log

Office mein roz milne waale log, saath mein aath-nau ghante bitaayen, phir bhi anjaan log

Inn sheeshe ki chamkti  imaaraton ke andar kaam karne waale yeh bejaan log haay!

Jaise Gobar mein dettol mix kiya ho, aise taste ki wo machine wali chaai

Wo toilet mein dus logon ke ..visarjan ko ek saath sunghana

Wo canteen ke khaane ko pet mein thus kar dopahar mein system ke saamne unghana

Sham ko apne studio apartment ki chat pe khade hone ka akelapan

Socialize hone ki hodd mein har weekend pe daaru peene ka pagalpan

Kya wakaai quality of life change hui hai?

Kataar to  wahi hai.. pehle ration ki thi abb ATM ki hui hai

  

Weekend pe Sham ko chai peeney ghar se bahar niklo to ek se ek nazaare dekhne ko milte hain

Jinn logon ke baap ne kabhi sitar tak nahin dekha.. wo kandhon pe guitar laad ke ghumte hain

Ek kkissa suniye,

BTM ki ek so called music school ke saamne ek sham do ladke baatein kar rahe they

Ek bola “yaar chal hum bhi guitar sekhenge” dusra bola “ abe pehle body to bana le.. tabí to guitaar ke ssath ache bhi lagenge”

Maano guitar guitar nahinpehlwaan hai aur inko uske saath kushti karni hai..

Sangeet wangeet gaya tel lene inhe to sham ko ek aadh ghanta masti kani hai

Sab ek hi thaile ke chatte batte, sab chal rahe hai ek hii bhed chaal,

Pehli salaray mein kapde badalte inke aur dusri mein set karwaaye jaate baal

“kya iss dal dal mein kahin main apna astitva to nahin kho raha hun?”

“kahin iss andhi daud mein main apna vajood, apna vyaktitva to nahin kho raha hun?”

hoke pareshaan inhi sawalo se, tiwari ji ja pahunche “Art of Living”, aur bana liya Sri sri ko apna guru

Bass isi ki kammi thi bhaiyaa…ussi dein se ho gaya unka ‘quarter life crisis” shuru

Pehle tha confusion, phir illusion, phir hua delusion

 aur abb wo ho gaye hain Life se completely dis illusioned

raat ko 2 baje uthe, mann mein thaana ki abb mujhe nahin hai koi bhi khauff

lappy khola, outlook, new mail… aur type kiya Dera rajesh (PM) .. F3* Off!

Mail Send kiya aur ghode bech ke so gaye

Abb jivan mein kuch naya hoga.. inhi sapno mein kho gaye 

Subah roomie ne daanata to bole..” nahin yaar bass bahut ho gaya..

I have been there , done that”

Now I want to do something different in life like writing CAT, XAT or GMAT!

Choti moti cheezen bahut ho gayi.. abb main game changer ban na chahta hun

Isiliye tay kiya hai ki software engineer nahin..abb main  manager ban na chahta hun!! Manager ban na chahta hun!!

ROTI aur C++

The Place : Catering counter, Terrace Cafeteria of an IT Firm, Bangalore

The Time : Lunch Hour

The Characters : Four-Foul-Food-Frustrated-Friends

  Acts I, II and III             

                                   

Ratish (Looking at the counter and lined up food items) : “Yaar hamaare yahan ye khaana Ghoddon ko khilaya jaata hai..” (At our place this food is served to horses)

Peeyush :  “ Kya baat kar raha hai, hamaare yahan to Ghaddon ko khilaya jaata hai” (What are you saying? we throw it to donkeys)

Jai : “Yaar yeh khaana dekh ke to lagta hai shaadi kar hii lun” (This food is making me contemplate marriage)

Peeyush : “Beta, these are the times where there is no surety of great food even after  you get married. Gone are those days bhai,  when husband would come home, tired, and by the time he changes and freshens up, wife would prepare hot Ginger-Cardamom tea, then both of them would sip it, chatting about the day which would make his tiredness vanish like hair from Sehwag’s head! Then they go for a walk in a nearby park and while coming back buy some vegetables and fruits. Back home, they put on their favorite music, talk about domestic affairs, parents and about those in the family who are next in line to get married. (Don’t know why but all married couples want everybody around them to get married as soon as possible) ya and then wife prepares delicious home cooked food…well… with help from him, of course”

Ratish: Haan yaar Jai, take my case. My wife and I run to catch the office bus at 7.45 am after having a breakfast which reminds me of Military Hospital (Dry, hard bread with jam and boiled eggs). We talk twice on phone during our 9 hours in office. Once at 11 am break and then when in bus on our way back home.

Jai: Not during lunch??

Ratish: I knew you would ask that. No dude, not at lunch. We are surrounded by our colleagues and project mates and it would feel awkward.. also, we need to socialize a bit yaar!! Evenings, either she gets home first and then waits for me or vice versa.
Now, usually around 7.45 pm when am watching IPL and she is on the phone talking to her parents, and brother, and neighbor and neighbour’s dog, comes our annadataa, our Cook.

Peeyush: Cook? Oriya hai?

Ratish: Haan yaar. How did you know?

Peeyush : Cycle pe aata hai??

Ratish : Yes man!!… saaley.. Are you stalking me?

Peeyush : No man! Don’t you know that Oriya and Bihari cooks have signed a contract with BMC that only they would have the rights to cook for all the IT engineers (especially single men and women) in Bangalore.. .And as lord Ganesh’s official vehicle was Mouse, their's is a Bicycle.

Ratish: Thik hai thik hai.. haan after that our cook prepares his favorite dishes. Kindly note ‘HIS’. Even though we don’t know what he is preparing and how the end product would be and what did he prepare yesterday… both of us would keep shooting dialogues (from our respective locations and positions) : “arry Deb! kal rotiyaan kachchi reh gayi thi yaar”, “dekho tail kamm daala karo bhaiyaa”.. just to keep him on his toes.9.00 PM. Dinner ready. And with that, its Her turn to have TV Remote. So We have dinner together, watching Yeh Rishta kya kehlaata hai and Bade Achche Lagte Hain… now deciding which was worst, the Dinner or the serials, is like deciding between getting murdered or committing suicide.  After dinner its time for a couple of reality shows and by 11.00 PM… Crash!!

Jai  : When I was a kid, everybody elder to me used to tell me that ‘A man should eat to live and not live to eat’.. Am doing exactly that… I eat only that much which would keep me alive. Otherwise I don’t feel like eating anything… I still remember those days when we, as kids, would watch TV sitting on the mat in our drawing and Mom would prepare delicious Sabzi.. that very sound of chopped onions and tomatoes falling into the hot cooking oil in kadaai.. it was my favourite sound. And then the aroma of tadka with all those masalas, jeera, dhaniya, heeng… that was my favorite essence….hmmmm.

Ratish: Yeah Man!! .. Am not sure whether our kids’ generation will have that privilege. Am seeing this trend, more and more girls are shying away from cooking.

Peeyush  : True.. And more and more guys are cooking nowadays.

Jai  : Ya… they don’t have any option. May be they miss their mother’s food so much that they take things.. or rather utensils in their own hands.I know a few guys who didn’t know the ‘C’ of cooking till an year ago and now they are experts in preparing staple diet of single IT guys.. that is, Dal and Chaawal!

Peeyush  : I will tell you something, three IT girls stay near my place. And you know…

Jai and Ratish : Saaley !! you didn’t tell us!!

Peeyush  : Ok ok don’t get hyper.. listen first. So I see these girls, on weekends at around 10.00, they go to a nearby bakery in their pajamas and get a ‘Full Tea’ in plastic cups, come back home, have it, go through the Morning routine then again go to a restaurant (around 200 mts away), have idllis with previous day’s chutney (which was stored in a common freezer and so smelling of onions, mangoes and curry leaves at the same time!!)Come back again to the same restaurant in afternoon to have North Indian Meals cooked in pure South Indian Style! (curd rice included). Back to home. sleep. In the evening again ‘full tea’ in pajamas. Around 7.30  its time for pani puri and other such stuff (sometimes I think there wouldn’t be any ‘purpose of existence’ for these girls if there were no Mobiles and No Pani puri in this world). At 9.00 back to same restaurant where they had lunch, stand in a queue for 15 min to get the coupon, have Veg Biryani with Gobi Manchurian and while going home take a DVD on rent. (once I was there in the DVD shop and was asking for ‘BANARAS’, just then entered two of these girls and asked for ‘BI2’.. after a week I came to know that it stands for Basic Instinct – Part 2)

Jai: Abe woh to theek hai.. but why are you telling us their time table… unka itna khayaal to unki maa bhi nahin rakhti hogi

Peeyush  : No.. did you notice one thing here. Three girls. Weekend. Lots of time…. But no cooking at home. They are ready to eat the ‘ghadon ka khana’ but wont cook. Why? Is it because they are pure lazy, tired…. Or is it because ‘I cook at home’ sounds so village-ish, so Behen-ji types, so Ghareloo (which is considered as a derogatory term, nowadays).

Ratish: arrey yaar, but why are you taking so much tension. It’s their wish, their life.

Peeyush  : No I don’t have to do anything with them.. but I feel strongly about the cooking part in general. Be it guys or girls. Arrey yaar Me and My roommate, we cook even on weekdays.. and I feel it’s a nice stress-buster. Come home, put on some nice music, talk to your roommates, cook together, experiment, try something new every time and then relish it… the best part is that you can never get bored with home cooked food and most importantly its healthy too!! The whole process so beautiful … subconsciously, it teaches you so many things… and as Big B says in a movie ‘cooking is the only art where you have to use four senses to appreciate it’

Ratish : I absolutely agree with you on health part… yeh log pehle to bahar ka ulta seedha khaate hai. every evening I see so many of them pouncing on those gol-gappaas as soon as they get down from their company buses… aur phir..they become like those very gol-gappaas and develop ‘All Round’ (round from all angles) personalities and then all those conversations during lunch hour about  how they want to hit a Gym, join Yoga classes, Play Badminton and are forced to have fruit salad as lunch when everybody else is gorging on Puris and channa masala!

Jai :  Having good, tasty, hygienic and healthy food is one of the best way to celebrate this great gift of GOD to us, The Life. But by ignoring it and considering it as insignificant in order to earn more, we are missing the true enjoyment of being alive in a healthy body.

Ratish : I agree.

Peeyush : Absolutely!

ME (yes! yours truly) : Guys! Am not sure of this but if we don’t move ahead now… these guys in this long queue behind us would definitely not allow us to live anymore. So throw some of this colorful rice in your plates and move. Also……

Ratish, Peeyush and Jai : yes yes we know.

ME : What?

Ratish, Peeyush and Jai (Moving their heads 180 degree) : We really need to look very hard for a place to sit!!!